··¤(`×[¤ JeEnA iSi Ka NaAm HaI ¤]×´)¤··

DEar JOUrnal,
THis feels reli weird lol. Do I reli have to introduce myself to you? Ab is question ka jawab to milay ga hi nai...so yea lets skip the introduction for now...i'll tell you stuff about me later...just remember that my name is Riya lol Itna introduction kafi aj kay liye ! Hey Journal, tumhara koi nick name nai hai kya? "Journal" kuch ajeeb sa naam lag raha hai mujhay to...u defintally need a nick. I'll make one up for u soon... I dont have much to share with you today..it was a very boring day..nothing special happened. But be ready for more entries....my life has many ups and downs...har roz aik naya drama...mein tumhe sab batati rahon gi...gtg now....ttyl.
xoxox

Dear JOUrnal,
Sowie i'm not in the mood for masti wid you today...i'm pretty sad right now. I have all these questions in my head that just wont go away...and tears in my eyes that just wont stay in. My aunt had been in the hospital for a whole week...she's been very serious. She was at the biggest n best hospital but still no one knew what was wrong with her. In my heart i would always feel that we are so unlucky to live so far away from our family...kahan Pakistan aur kahan America...well in the past week many of my relatives went back to pakistan..my aunt and uncle from OMan..my cuzin from Canada...aunt n uncle from England...cuzins from Spain and Italy...aur kal raat ko meri mom aur baji bhi chali gayin...there flight was for 9pm last night. But this life and this world is so unpredictable. My aunt died this morning. ONly 34 years old..a mother of 4 kids...one who is only a month old...and she just died. Why? I couldnt stop crying when i found out...abhi bhi aansu hain ankhon mein...magar ab mein kar bhi kya sakti hoon? Why is nothing happening the way it used to? Kehtay hain na dukh kay baad khushi milti hai aur khushi kay baad dukh? Well i guess thats just what happened. I was the happiest girl ever a week ago...and now everything just went down the drain in an instant. My mom and baji are still on the plane...they still dont know what happened. They went to go check up on my aunt...to help take care of her kids untill she gets well...not to attend her funeral. Meri mama ka dil toot jaye ga when she finds out. Pata nai chehra bhi dekh payin yaan nahi...theres still so many hours to go untill she gets there. I don't know how i'm feeling right now...i've never felt this lonely in my whole life...kash meray sawalon ka jawab dena wala koi hota...sowie for bothering u wid all my troubles...i just had to get it out..
ttyl

Dear JOurnal,
Its the first time i felt like this...so mad at the world...and the tears just wont stop. I called pakistan this morning before class...It was around 7am here...about 4pm there. All of my relatives were there...closely related as well as long distance. I talked to my mom...who sounded ok. She said they could tell something terrible must have happened when they were greeted by crying faces. I'm glad my mom was calm about it though...shes defintally way stronger than i could ever be. I also talked to many other relatives there..including my bhabi who i could hardly understand because she had lost much of her voice from crying so much. I talked to my baji who was repeating "she left us", "she left us"...thats when tears started flooding out of my eyes. My dad talked to his youngest brother...who just lost his wife...it was the first time i ever saw tears in my dad's eyes. I know my dad wants to be there right now...in Pakistan with his brother...Anyway i went to class with smudged mascara n red eyes. I felt so broken n' useless...actually i still do. I'm getting calls, emails, offline messages....everyone checking up on me and telling me how sorry they are to here about what happened...I know everyone is with me...so many people love me...they all care...but why do i feel so alone? Why can't i stop shivering? Why won't the feeling just go away? Still no answer.

Riya

Dear JOUrnal,
No mom in the house...ajeeb sa lag raha hai lol. Umm lots of work to do today...but dont feel like doing it. I'm very tired...feel like going to sleep. Still a lot of questions in my head...i defintally haven't gotten over what happened this weekend...this was the third loved one that i lost in this year. I've lost so much faith and hope that i dont care anymore...jo hota hai honay do. Life is getting so boring.
Riya

DEAr Journal,
HEylo sowie i haven't written in here foreva..really busy these days with boring daily things like housework n skool work. I was never the kind of person that can stay alone in a house lol but i'm finally getting used to it...that doesnt mean i like it tho! I still dread it sometimes. Anywayz my mom is coming back finally..on NOvember 4th..Can't wait. I would alwayz go away on vacation with friends or other relatives and never think twice about leaving home...never really missed anyone while away...not like i miss my family right now at least lol HMmm its getting really cold here now...went ice skating last night with some friends...was loads of fun. Enjoyed myself for the first time in a long time. I'll write in here later..
BUhbyee

P.s Sorry i didnt think of a filmi nickname for you yet lol i keep forgetting.